The infant begins to create a false self, where ‘other people’s expectations can become of overriding importance, overlaying or contradicting the original sense of self, the one connected to the very roots of one’s being’. As a strategy for dealing with this anxiety, the child tries to win back the mother’s attention and love by falling into line with her needs, and thus suppressing his or her own desires. In this instance, the stress of the external world is indirectly brought to the child. If ‘good enough’ parenting is not in place – maybe because the mother is anxious or depressed – the infant’s spontaneity is in danger of being suppressed by the need for compliance with the parent’s wishes. The ‘good enough mother’ is both there for the infant whenever needed, and capable of separating herself sufficiently so the infant can develop into his or her own self. Winnicott’s term for an excessively attached caregiver is the ‘ordinary devoted mother’, who hampers the infant’s emerging capacity to embody a secure ‘true’ self by not adequately responding to its spontaneous needs. The ‘good enough mother’ doesn’t need to be perfect, but she doesn’t neglect the baby, nor does she overprotect him. This symbiotic relationship is what makes it possible for the infant to think – we learn to think by being thought about. It is the mother’s role – and biological impulse – to enter a state of ‘primary maternal preoccupation’ in which she has complete oneness with her baby and mirrors back to the infant the sense that it is held and that its needs are being anticipated. The ideal parenting model for Winnicott is the ‘good enough mother’, one who provides a ‘facilitating environment’, in which the child’s inner potential to develop a ‘true self’ can unfold. Good enough parentingįor Winnicott, the mother is the infant’s universe, and the mother-baby relationship forms the basis of the child’s subsequent development. This manifests in various dysfunctional behaviours in adults, from feeling unanchored and lacking in spontaneity to suffering extreme psychological disorders such as schizophrenia. However, if as babies we are denied this opportunity to be ourselves, we learn to modify our impulses in a bid to receive the love we crave, and start constructing a false self. For Winnicott, healthy development requires us to fully experience this time when we have no concern for the feelings and opinions of those looking after us. We cry, laugh and react in a way that is wholly authentic to our needs we are simply being. The process of developing a false self begins at a very young age. The false self is a defensive façade, behind which the person can feel empty, it’s behaviours being learnt and controlled rather than spontaneous and genuine. The true self refers to a sense of self based on authentic experience, and the feeling of being truly present and alive. Winnicott contends that everyone is divided into these two selves, and that people develop a false self to protect their inner, more vulnerable true self.
#False notion definition series#
The theory of a true self and a false self was advanced by British psychoanalyst Dr Donald Winnicott in a series of papers in the 1960s. It sounds like good advice – but how do we know who or what is our true self? And how do we connect to that genuine version of ourselves? It’s often said that to be truly happy we should align to our ‘authentic’ self, and be ‘true to ourselves’.
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